If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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