Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
