I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
