guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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