I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
