You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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