Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
