Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
