Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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