Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
