That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
