on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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