apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
