Me too!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
