smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
