turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this is an emotional support booty call
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize