what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
