I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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