Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I smell stomach acid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
