I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
