Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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