My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
