Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
