this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
