omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
