Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
