She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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