Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
