My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
