I just pynch a tree in the face
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
