Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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