All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Welp...herpes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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