Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i love accidental penises.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
