i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
