a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
