i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am available for nakedness
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
