How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
