We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
