I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
