Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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