Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize