His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
