The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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