i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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