Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
