it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize