I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
