You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
