I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
