I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
