the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
