i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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