Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
