so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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