I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
