we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
