You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
