I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
