Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize