I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize