Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
