there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
