I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
