she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
