You're so nebulous sometimes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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