i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize