My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
