I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i have herpe
just one?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
