i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
