everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize