it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
