Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There r osticjed everywhere
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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