She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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