and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
