I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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